I found an older writing and wanted to share parts as it’s reflective of my early years and how the need for isolation and self-determination was/is important. I find that many upon the awakening path tend to isolate as a coping mechanism to restore energetic balance and inner peace.
I had learned at a very young age (Teens) how to navigate through very intense pain and inner turmoil via self-isolation. It was by retreating that I was able to cope and regain balance as I was highly empathic and over stimulated just by being in the world.
Being around people, going to school, having to interact with others, having a job was really challenging and caused me tremendous anxiety, lack of confidence and insecurity. Combine that with night-time visitations from the spirit world and other entities that would cause paralyses in a semi sleep state…I was always overwhelmed.
While this self-isolation was a default setting for me it also caused additional wounding by reinforcing the fact that I was different from others. I never fit in and always felt more comfortable observing rather than participating…still do! It was a complex interface for a young person and caused many of my family concern about my emotional stability.
At the age of 24 I became ill requiring surgery and radiation procedures. Just 6 months later a job offer appeared that moved me from Pennsylvania to California. Shortly thereafter, I had a recurrence and found myself in the hospital once again for treatment. I drove myself to the hospital as I had no family or friends with me and stayed for the next three days. During my stay I swallowed a toxic dose of radiation. I had no human contact and was administered to through a window in the wall.
Now we are talking major isolation here as my recovery took close to 7 years and it was nothing short of shear grit to resurrect my body, mind and spirit.
In my early 30’s I was guided to move from California to Florida and once again by myself. I needed some dental work done and was concerned because my immune system was stressed with all the prior procedures. A dentist placed a toxic compound in a tooth and my immune system reacted.
That trip to the dentist caused me 3 months of bed rest, vertigo, 2 teeth pulled, two bridges and $15,000. This adventure took a year to revitalize my body and my default setting of self-isolation served me well.
In my mid 30’s I found myself in a very challenging relationship with all the archetypal patterns playing out and me not understanding where this behavior was sourcing from. I was just coming into the knowledge of the NAA (world of forces) manipulation scenario and information.
I was so confused by the tyrannical, controlling and attacking behavior of this individual…that at times pulsed through him…I would often feel that my soul was trying to be destroyed…it wasn’t…but they (world of forces) tried. I spent the next two years healing and aligning my soul by going within and being still!
Looking Back
As I am sharing and looking back at some of these events I was thinking about the pain, turmoil, disappointment and betrayals I endured. My heart hurt so bad at times that I thought it would explode out of my body. Many times, my thoughts were racing and looping, and the inner terror would try to consume me.
Over the past 18 years as I learned how the NAA (world of forces) operates. The feeling to isolate no longer comes from being overwhelmed but rather a desire to create a sacred place to do my work, my learning and strengthen my relationship with God Source.
The many obstacles that we go through, the attacks to try and stop us from awakening are quite challenging. As we gain clarity and connection to our hearts and minds, we can be met with negative forces to thwart our progress.
Starseeds have to master these influences within themselves in order to actualize their spiritual purpose while on earth. Doing the inner shadow work and clearing these influences is important. If you have negative ego outbursts and pain is running you, it’s essential to purify yourself from these traits.
There is no way to get out of taking 100% responsibility for yourself, taking responsibility for the quality of your life, and removing blame from other people and how they may impact you. Being still and taking a time out can be supportive as you journey forward.