Written December 2013 & Updated May 2017
It was November 28th, 2008, the day after Thanksgiving, when I received a morning phone call that sent waves of emotions, throughout my entire being.
As the message was being delivered, I felt time stop and I began to process the news that my brother and his wife’s only son, Jason Philip Miller, at age 30, had passed away.
My immediate thought was to connect with my brother Foxie and his wife Pam to support them in any way possible. Over the next several days I made my way from Florida to Pennsylvania where we would all gather to honor Jason’s life.
It has been 5 years since Jason made his journey home and only recently have I talked with my brother about sharing his son’s story through my blog. As we discussed how to go about sharing this journey of love and loss, I was inspired by my brother’s courage and willingness to be open and vulnerable.
And so, with great love and appreciation for Jason, it is through these written words we share the memory of a life of a young man whose passing has touched and continues to transform many lives.
My brother and his wife were awakened in the early hours of November 28th, 2008 by their son who stepped into the family room where both he and his wife were sleeping. Feeling a touch on each of their heads with brief eye contact and only a few words, Jason made his presence known to them.
It started out like any other morning. My brother’s wife was up first. She walked into the living room and found Jason lying on the couch. Pam, sensing something was wrong, tried to awaken Jason from his sleep while calling out to my brother for help. In that moment, the shock of what had just been discovered was etched deep into their hearts and minds, changing their lives forever.
Jason had a smile that would light up a room. He was tall, blonde and blue eyed and had a good sense of humor. He was a sensitive and kind soul, almost too sensitive for this harsh world. His soul came in with extraordinary gifts to share.
Because of his uniqueness, early on he experienced difficulties with traditional schooling being labeled ADHD. These early labels can be difficult burdens for our children as they already feel different from others based upon their own awareness and sensitivities.
From an early age, Jason would experience frustration as he was wise in ways beyond his years. At times he could become angry, defiant and argumentative. Jason could see the injustices and hypocrisy in people and the world and had very little tolerance for what he witnessed. This duality within Jason caused him to experience anxiety, self isolation and drug use, which eventually ended his life.
I shared with my brother and his wife that I felt Jason was an indigo child/adult. Many of these children from an early age have characteristics like Jason in that they do not fit within the current systems of conformity and control. True to their spiritual nature, our Indigo children come into the world to change these systems by their unwillingness to participate in them.
Many times, these sensitive souls reach out to drugs, alcohol and other addictions to equalize their intense feelings, empathy and awareness. A greater understanding of our spiritual nature is needed to help direct and guide these sensitive souls to offer a gentle understanding of themselves and what role they play while here on earth.
Since Jason has passed, my brother and his wife Pam work through their grief in diverse ways and this is understandable. My brother has agreed to share his journey with you, and this is nothing short of a miracle. With the passing of his son, he received unexpected gifts allowing him to grow and change in ways he might not have thought possible.
My brother will tell you that he participated in an extensive case study involving alcohol. Close to taking his own life on several occasions after Jason had passed, he has now achieved almost 4 years of sobriety. His strength today comes from a commitment made to Jason while at his burial site, to remain sober in honor of his passing.
Another change that has taken place during the past 5 years is my brother’s spiritual awakening. My brother has experienced amazing synchronicities since his son’s passing. We would like to share some of them with you, to help provide comfort in knowing your loved ones are always near.
In those early and dark days of emotions, my brother would often ask for signs from Jason. One afternoon my brother ran into his friend, Danny, who was pulling out of a parking lot just as my brother was passing by. Danny started beeping his horn and flashing his lights to catch my brother’s attention to pull over.
Danny had a pendant designed in the shape of an eagle with wings expanded in honor of his own child’s memory. To my brother’s surprise, the day they connected, Danny presented an exact copy of that pendant to him in honor of Jason.
That gift and connection made a significant impact on my brother as I remember him calling to tell me about it. After receiving the pendant, in which there are only 2 in existence, my brother and his wife decided they would go to a jewelry store to purchase a chain so it could be worn.
Once inside the store my brother’s wife spotted the chain she thought to be appropriate. They asked the price, which was $800. Thinking that it was a bit expensive, they decided to purchase it anyway. The box for the chain was removed from the display case and as a surprise to all, there was a tag showing a 75 % mark down.
Only a few weeks later my brother and his wife went shopping for a television. As they were shopping a young salesman walked up to them and introduced himself. And as you might have guessed his name was Jason.
Since that time my brother has been involved in bereavement support groups for parents who lost children. He has seen Jason in dreams and at times feels him near. At times, he can smell the cologne that he used to wear and sometimes sees him, if ever so briefly, out of the corner of his eye. He talks to him regularly both sending love and asking for guidance on some of those more difficult days.
I am always amazed at how spirit works to deliver messages and bring awareness to those that grieve. The messages and validation of a loved one might not come in the ways in which we think they should but if we stay open, our communication with them will become stronger as time goes on.
Looking back, I was not sure how my brother and his wife were going to make it through their intense grief. Slowly and step by step I have watched 2 courageous people begin to heal and share their experience of love and loss with others. I am proud to be part of their lives as they continue to move forward with open hearts and minds.
Each year, on the anniversary of Jason’s passing; my brother and his wife will write a brief letter to him and place it in the Morning Call Newspaper in their hometown. Each year my brother will tell you “that the shear agony over the loss of a child eases a bit with time but the deep pain of separation stays with you for a lifetime.”
Included in this blog is the letter my brother wrote on Jason’s 5th year anniversary for you to read below. The date of this post was November 28th, 2013. Through this posting my brother and his wife had another confirmation from spirit as a parent who lost a daughter was touched by the words written and reached out to them for healing and conversation.
We feel the letter you are about to read describes what many parents experience after the loss of a child. From my brother and Pam’s heart too many of you who are experiencing and working through grief…they asked me to send their love to all.
In loving memory of Jason Philip Miller (December 10th, 1977 – November 28th, 2008) and the many lives he continues to touch, this entire writing is for you.
Morning Call Newspaper Posting – 5th Year Anniversary Of Jason’s Passing
November 28th, 2013
Your laughter, smile, and the memories we have of you has kept us able to step forward each day. We are different people now since you are home with God and family. Mom and I look the same on the outside, but a lot of times we are crying on the inside. We realize before you can heal, you must first be hurt. This hurt never heals, Son, there will always be that space in our hearts that you had filled.
We know you are watching and guiding us through this life until we are together again with you as a family. We love and miss you, dear Jason, and continue to talk and think of you each day.
We love you Son
Mom, Dad, Kenny and Critter
My Brothers Healing Journey Continues – Update 5/2017
May 25th, 2017
It is now 8 1/2 years since Jason passed away. Friends and family say the time went fast, and for us it seems like it was just yesterday. I really don’t know how we managed to cope, each day with the loss of our son. It was you Jason and God that helped make it somewhat bearable for us to go throughout these years without you.
I am not the same person I was back on November 27th, 2008. I now go through life looking at things differently and try not to get frustrated with life’s up’s and down’s. I remain sober to this day and for that I am thankful.
The loneliness is always going to be with me, and that ache I feel inside that comes from wanting to talk and be with my son. The spiritual experiences, awakening and people I have met over these past 8 ½ years have been amazing. Of course, it would mean so much more if my son was a part of it.
I still talk to my Son every day, and often ask how he might handle a situation? I know he can hear me, and if I am quiet inside often I am guided. Each day I learn to deal with our separation the best way I can, because that is the only way for me to move forward.
I will continue my journey with love and respect for my son, as I know he is near and this gives me the strength to go on.
With Love, Foxie